well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
