she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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