You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
