There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
