ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
