I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
