evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
