Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
