I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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