trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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