I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
