if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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