If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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