i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
