Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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