Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
