Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my being single is dangerous.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
