He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
