The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
