I think my fart just growled at me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
