fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
