the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
