if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
