i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
