The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
