if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
