You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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