I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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