Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
