Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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