the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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