I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
