just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
