I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
