we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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