i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
