I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
