Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
God, I missed his penis.
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