Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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