No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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