In the future we'll all be gay
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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