Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
