i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
