if i can run in heels then i can drive
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
