you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
