You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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