It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
