You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
