We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize