Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
